November 23, 2010

Rainy day.

I notice when I can't concentrate, or I want to avoid accounting, or housekeeping, or even the business side of things, I retreat in the studio. I painted almost all day yesterday, but in jags. I worked on (1) 16" x 20" painting, (2) 16" x 20" paintings on paper, and (3 or 4) miniature paintings on gessobord.

It's been awhile since I've worked on paper. If this group show goes through, it will be works on paper. I attempted to channel my alter ego's jouissance for visionary work onto paper, and at a larger size, about 16" x 20". It felt like I was trying too hard, so I washed one out and the other one is waiting for mercy. I had a moment where I wondered if I had forgotten how to make large brushstrokes. This was followed by a moment of wondering if I could ever paint large again. This was followed by an internal debate of whether it's easier to paint large or small and whether my ego was wrapped up into thinking I need to paint large again to prove I could paint large again. The camps are divided on whether it's harder to paint small or large. Having done both, I don't know. Sometimes, I think it's all hard.

Then I went on to paint some miniature paintings incognito. I'm not mocking the outsider art or visionary thing. Other than having 2 fine arts degrees that didn't contribute much to my learning the craft or skill of painting, my painting style has always been naturally a bit more raw than my academy trained peers. For instance, perspective's never been my strong suit, though after teaching it for 10 years, I understand the importance of it and can teach it quite well since I empathize with students who don't get it right away. I think it may have something to do with visual dyslexia and possibly trying to rationalize a mathematical construct that needs no further rationalizing.

But back to the miniature paintings. Believe it or not, most everything, save the abstractions, are taken from objects or things I find around the house. Figurines, painted china- that kind of stuff. It's endless, really. It makes sense for M. Thack Addie, v. to paint these, since most of them are relics from his time period. Commercially, we'll have to iron out the snags. Meanwhile, I'm just letting the paint chips fall where they may. Otto was in the studio with me yesterday, albeit briefly. I caught him licking a very wet oil painting that was leaning against the wall. It was a hard painting day yesterday. Toward the end, I remembered that lots of outsider and visionary art has text written in it, so I made some text paintings. (See yesterday's post.) But then this isn't new either, since in the past, I have been known to make text based work as part of my practice.

I'm forcing myself to work in the office today.
Very wet and rainy.
Run: 1.26 miles during a break in the weather. I stopped when it started raining again. I'm not a wimp. I just didn't want to get my iPhone wet. Later today, I may try and get another mile in.
Pace: 11:00
I can tell I'm getting a little Achilles tendinitis. I think it's the hills. There's only about 1/4 mile of flat surface around here.
* evening run:1.4 mi
I forgot to start the chrono.
Damn you, Achilles tendon.

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It's over.

Nov 7, 2020. Tears of joy and relief. It's been unreal and I'm ready to get back to a sense of normalcy. The desert has been tough.