June 12, 2012

I wake up at 6 am.

I'm one of those people that guesses the time before I look at the clock to see how accurate I am. I was on the money today at 5:58.

The summer studio is coming along. I put a double layer of the anti-fatigue mat in front of my easel yesterday after working a day without it. If you don't think an anti-fatigue mat is a big deal, try this:
Stand and pace around on a concrete floor working on paintings for 6+ hours.
Have a restless night of sleep due to a slight resentment.
Go running the next afternoon to prove you will run, even when you are tired.

My legs felt like splintered toothpicks. I was certain chunks of brittle bone were fracturing into a million shards every time my foot smashed into the pavement. The anti-fatigue mats went down yesterday and today's run was fine.

I should start documenting how many days I am not looking for a day job. i.e., Day 2, I did not look for a day job. Instead I went into the studio and continued work on a painting that in a decent economy with the right audience, will net me honest wages for a week's pay. 

This is how I justify pushing paint around instead of looking for a day job. With any luck, I'll be typing that using my last breath 45 years from now, proving that a) I will have this anxiety all my life, and b) that I have pegged 2057 as my personal end date, give or take a few years.

This will be the last weekend for the show at John Davis Gallery. It's been a successful show for me. Some work sold and my work was introduced to a new audience. I couldn't be happier, especially since the last two years have seen a substantial shift in both scale and direction of the work. A critical review would have been icing on the cake, but I won't get greedy.

I've made some calls. Big changes coming down the pipe this summer. All personal. nothing career-related. The important thing is action.

I'm excited about my natural air purification system: two Peace Lilies and a Gerber Daisy. I had a Peace Lilly that desperately needed thinning. I was able to get two transplants. Is houseplant ownership a sign of being an introverted misanthropic artist? Because for the record, any time I receive an outdoor plant, it dies. The indoor plants frigging love me. 

"Turpentine," 2012, oil on canvas, 20 x 16 in. 
★ STILL in progress, though I think I'm ready to wrap it up soon. I need to get a better shot. 

I think someone should confiscate the small brushes from me. They are wrecking havoc with the vision I have of myself as a loose painter. I think I mentioned I tried to be loose lately, but it felt ordinary. I don't know what happened. I'm certain I was a less virtuous painter when I was younger.. Yes, here we go, I posted this last year, but here we have proof:


 "Mutant Springtime," roughly 1989-1990. [Destroyed.]

I'm guessing it's about about 57 x 49, or possibly 60 x 48 inches. Something in that neighborhood. Back then, I didn't realize people made standard stretcher bars sizes for canvases so I just bought wood, mitered the ends and made stretchers. I should buy a little slide scanner. I winnowed away a TON of old slides before I moved, and hopefully kept one of each work. That's a project in and of itself-archiving. I'm actually a bit amazed that I can see a family resemblance between these 2 paintings. I think it's the off-kilterness, combined with the palette. Crazy, right? I imagine myself to be all over the place, and yet... the brush tells all does it not?

I love my life.

4 comments:

Dane Carder said...

i, too, am one of those guess the time people... what is that? from this side of your small brushes, i enjoy the detail, and will do whatever i can to keep your studio well supplied. i showed a middle-school effort in looking for a day job yesterday... it was met with the same psychological/emotional effects. i will not look today or tomorrow. paint on.

Elaine Mari said...

May be tight in the painting, but is loose in the feel. That looks like a good one. Very intriguing in it's play.

I want a slide scanner too, I should go look up how much they cost.

Oh gawd, the day job issue. I keep giving myself permission to put it off. "OK" I tell myself "you'll be able to get by till the end of the summer/fall/spring/summer" ad infinitum, before you run out of money completely (little windfalls along the way push forward the running out date). Then I tell myself, "you can't run out of money completely before you get another job, what will you live on?" and I start to panic then I look for a job in a desultory way for a month and give myself another time out. The next deadline is the end of September. I don't have to think about it till then.

I love reading your blog, it is so amusing and real.

Elaine Mari said...

"its" play ^

lucy mink said...

I went over to this new private school here in town and basically convinced them to hire me to be there art teacher. It will only be an additional 4 hours of work outside the home probably. They have 20 students so far. I kept putting it off, but finally did it knowing its close to home and I would be bummed if someone else got the job. I like teaching art to middle schoolers and its a beautiful location. They showed me the beat up kiln that was left in the basement from the previous school.

I am pro tiny brush and I love reading your blog even more now that we met MAH.

It's over.

Nov 7, 2020. Tears of joy and relief. It's been unreal and I'm ready to get back to a sense of normalcy. The desert has been tough.