June 12, 2012

I wake up at 6 am.

I'm one of those people that guesses the time before I look at the clock to see how accurate I am. I was on the money today at 5:58.

The summer studio is coming along. I put a double layer of the anti-fatigue mat in front of my easel yesterday after working a day without it. If you don't think an anti-fatigue mat is a big deal, try this:
Stand and pace around on a concrete floor working on paintings for 6+ hours.
Have a restless night of sleep due to a slight resentment.
Go running the next afternoon to prove you will run, even when you are tired.

My legs felt like splintered toothpicks. I was certain chunks of brittle bone were fracturing into a million shards every time my foot smashed into the pavement. The anti-fatigue mats went down yesterday and today's run was fine.

I should start documenting how many days I am not looking for a day job. i.e., Day 2, I did not look for a day job. Instead I went into the studio and continued work on a painting that in a decent economy with the right audience, will net me honest wages for a week's pay. 

This is how I justify pushing paint around instead of looking for a day job. With any luck, I'll be typing that using my last breath 45 years from now, proving that a) I will have this anxiety all my life, and b) that I have pegged 2057 as my personal end date, give or take a few years.

This will be the last weekend for the show at John Davis Gallery. It's been a successful show for me. Some work sold and my work was introduced to a new audience. I couldn't be happier, especially since the last two years have seen a substantial shift in both scale and direction of the work. A critical review would have been icing on the cake, but I won't get greedy.

I've made some calls. Big changes coming down the pipe this summer. All personal. nothing career-related. The important thing is action.

I'm excited about my natural air purification system: two Peace Lilies and a Gerber Daisy. I had a Peace Lilly that desperately needed thinning. I was able to get two transplants. Is houseplant ownership a sign of being an introverted misanthropic artist? Because for the record, any time I receive an outdoor plant, it dies. The indoor plants frigging love me. 

"Turpentine," 2012, oil on canvas, 20 x 16 in. 
★ STILL in progress, though I think I'm ready to wrap it up soon. I need to get a better shot. 

I think someone should confiscate the small brushes from me. They are wrecking havoc with the vision I have of myself as a loose painter. I think I mentioned I tried to be loose lately, but it felt ordinary. I don't know what happened. I'm certain I was a less virtuous painter when I was younger.. Yes, here we go, I posted this last year, but here we have proof:

 "Mutant Springtime," roughly 1989-1990. [Destroyed.]

I'm guessing it's about about 57 x 49, or possibly 60 x 48 inches. Something in that neighborhood. Back then, I didn't realize people made standard stretcher bars sizes for canvases so I just bought wood, mitered the ends and made stretchers. I should buy a little slide scanner. I winnowed away a TON of old slides before I moved, and hopefully kept one of each work. That's a project in and of itself-archiving. I'm actually a bit amazed that I can see a family resemblance between these 2 paintings. I think it's the off-kilterness, combined with the palette. Crazy, right? I imagine myself to be all over the place, and yet... the brush tells all does it not?

I love my life.


Dane Carder said...

i, too, am one of those guess the time people... what is that? from this side of your small brushes, i enjoy the detail, and will do whatever i can to keep your studio well supplied. i showed a middle-school effort in looking for a day job yesterday... it was met with the same psychological/emotional effects. i will not look today or tomorrow. paint on.

Elaine Mari, Painter and Drawer said...

May be tight in the painting, but is loose in the feel. That looks like a good one. Very intriguing in it's play.

I want a slide scanner too, I should go look up how much they cost.

Oh gawd, the day job issue. I keep giving myself permission to put it off. "OK" I tell myself "you'll be able to get by till the end of the summer/fall/spring/summer" ad infinitum, before you run out of money completely (little windfalls along the way push forward the running out date). Then I tell myself, "you can't run out of money completely before you get another job, what will you live on?" and I start to panic then I look for a job in a desultory way for a month and give myself another time out. The next deadline is the end of September. I don't have to think about it till then.

I love reading your blog, it is so amusing and real.

Elaine Mari, Painter and Drawer said...

"its" play ^

lucy mink said...

I went over to this new private school here in town and basically convinced them to hire me to be there art teacher. It will only be an additional 4 hours of work outside the home probably. They have 20 students so far. I kept putting it off, but finally did it knowing its close to home and I would be bummed if someone else got the job. I like teaching art to middle schoolers and its a beautiful location. They showed me the beat up kiln that was left in the basement from the previous school.

I am pro tiny brush and I love reading your blog even more now that we met MAH.