August 25, 2014

Never trust January.

There's a document titled "2009 The Year of  Good Stuff" sitting in my dock. It's been there since 2009. It's a journal. Usually I write a sentence or a paragraph, date it, and store in a folder named after the year, but in 2009 I decided to keep a running tally of only good stuff in a single document. It begins with January 1st. The first couple of days were fine, but it quickly goes downhill. If you're into making distinctions, 2009 was a terrible year. As I was writing, I noted this fact, and also noted that I was compelled to keep writing in spite of this. I hadn't read the document in a few years because I try to avoid pain, but  yesterday the file accidentally popped open when I was trying to retrieve something else out of the trash. (Yes, I got the irony.)  I read a few pages. There was a tremendous amount of deep sadness and crappy life stuff, tucked in with some good stuff, but my determination to keep documenting all of it without changing the title made me laugh. Plus, some things were tragically funny in hindsight. I mention this because 2014 is turning out to be even more hysterical if you're into folly and pathos. I remember thinking back in January, what a great year! And then bam. Turns out it was a vortex into a black hole. January's like that. Tricky. Never trust January.  

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